Thursday, June 12, 2008

Beaver College: Would a school by any other name smell as sweet?

Earlier this week, Alex at posted a response to an earlier post and made reference to Beaver College and the subsequent name change to Arcadia University:


Re: Crisis June 10 2008

Filed under Pennsylvania by AlexC

Fred, did you know that the Trustees of Arcadia University had to change the school’s name from Beaver College because of guys like you?

“[The name] too often elicits ridicule in the form of derogatory remarks pertaining to the rodent, the TV show ‘Leave It to Beaver’ and the vulgar reference to the female anatomy.”

- former President Bette Landman

It is kind of funny though.

Well, I found this article, from the October 2000 issue of Maxim Magazine. It was a prank phone call to what was then Beaver College, made just before the name change took effect (warning–article contains some textual innuendo):

Beaver College: Would a school by any other name smell as sweet?

The closest most college freshmen get to a woman’s nether regions is to steal a deep breath from a panty-filled dryer. But at Beaver College, a 2,700-student college in lush Glenside, Pennsylvania, students are drowning in innuendo. After 150 years of the school’s being the butt of everyone’s jokes, its trustees have agreed to change its name. Seizing our last chance, we sent our intrepid reporter to get to the bottom of the situation.

“Beaver College, Office of Enrollment Management. How may I help you?”

“Hi, I’m looking to transfer from, uh, Ball State, and I was hoping you could answer some of my questions and help ease my entrance into Beaver.”
“[puzzled silence]”

“What’s your financial aid package? How much will I have to pay to get into Beaver?”
“Hmm…That depends on all sorts of things: your income, whether you’re an independent or dependent student. So I couldn’t really give you an answer to that.”

“What’s your retention rate? Is it a quick finish for most students at Beaver, or do they like to take their time down there?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know the statistics on that. I know that some people leave, but I don’t know the exact numbers.”

“Is Beaver primarily a commuter school? I mean, is there a lot of in-and-out at Beaver?”
“I think it might be 60–40, or 70–30, most of them residents.”

“Let’s talk about athletics. Does Beaver have a swim team? Because I’d really like to dive for Beaver.”
“We have a swim team. I don’t know if that includes a Beaver diving team. I know we have a pool.”

“Does Beaver have its own barber school?”
“[without hesitation] No.”

“What’s the climate like in Beaver? I’ve heard it can get really hot and moist down there, especially in the summer. Is that true all year long?”
“Well, no, we’re on the East Coast. So we have summer, spring, [long pause]…fall, winter.”

“That’d be all of them. Do students need to bring protection with them when they go into Beaver?”
“It’s a very safe campus.”

“If traditional methods of getting into Beaver should fail, could you recommend a strategy for a backdoor entrance?”
“I’m not quite sure I know what you mean.”

“Oh, shoot—my mom’s coming. See ya…[click]” And here is the rest of it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thats my Alma Mater! Good times...

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